Since most human beings own calenders, we all know that today was Thursday. I guess it still is. Today is Thursday, and as long as we're not talking about literal freezing conditions, you can bet the old horse to the neighboring farm that I was downtown bright and gat-damn early this morning for the weekly market.

I've spoken about the energetic nature of the market in the past, but I've not ever mentioned the street performers that pop-up from from time to time. We're not talking about anything too awesome here (like fucking crazy-assed San Francisco that's overrun with bushmen and clowns everywhere), but it makes for a valid change of scenery to a rapidly shifting workday on a single street corner. We have four primary categories:

• Impoverished prodogies:

• The free-spirited rockibillies:

• Folks that aint got a pot-tuh-pissin:

• Imaginary-friendsters:

That said, we need to add a new category to this list:

• MOTHERFUCKING ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CHILDREN

I have to say, that in all of my years of academic fundraising, this is by far the most ingenious way to make a quick buck for your program. Honestly, what person is going to ignore a dozen doe-eyed young'ins trying to belt out a forth encore of "Let's Go Band" one last time so the school could afford one more clarinet for little Kimmy? And trust me, unless all of downtown's elite were putting in Arby's coupons into that jar, those kids will be cranking out Hot Cross Buns on some gold risers with platinum music stands. Holy buckets were people handing that band some cash. Here's the problem: Due to these kids' close proximity to us, there may have been a few bucks here and there that slipped out of our dirty bakery mitts and into the account for these hard working mini-musicians. Good work, guys. You now understand the golden rule of free-market capitalism: COMPETITION.

Also, if the golden rule is something else, don't correct me please. Business isn't my thing. Getting over 400 lines on Tetris is.

"But Nick, not only was this journal entry boring, but there's no way a bunch of kids are going to set up in the middle of downtown and play unpolished beginner-level songs in an adorably dissonant fashion."

PROOOOOOOOOOOOF:


Somebody was taping this thing today, too. Maybe you'll see me all grouchy and gruffy in the bg? One can only hope. I'll post it when I see it.

Now I know what your deal is.

If you're like my sad and stupid friend, Richard, than you think of filmgoing as some silly-assed sanctamonious tradition where you buy a bunch of fat and oil and inhale it silently while you park your ass in a giant air-conditioned hall with a bunch of germ-bag imps, fifteen year-old grease-faced syhpillis victims, and their droning Jewish Grandmothers. It can be so much more big and beautiful than that!

Imagine instead of wasting a valuble afternoon watching Marvel Studios' latest franchising attempt, you get the opportunity to watch it paired with whatever some asshole with a full name consisting of three letters thinks is a proper addition to a very awesome post-apocalyptic franchise. Now, imagine they throw in a THIRD movie (somehow shittier) all for the low cost of LESS than a ticket at the local suburban multiplex! Why you might just be the envy of your neighborhood! Maybe even your county! 

"Nick, you sip the crazy sizzurp"

I SPEAK TRUE.



I speak of the Drive-In: The mecca for the true fans of watching the heaps of dreck those sphincters of production houses dookie out each summer. You can drink alcohol, you can bring your own food, you can frisbee and throw the futbol de americano before showtime, you can talk during the movie, you can not feel guilty about passing out after movie #2 just starts, and you do so with awesome company.

"Nick, I need to experience this phenomena known as the Drive-In yesterday! But what should I assemble to get the full experience?!"

ELITE DRIVE-IN CHECKLIST:

• A car, preferably a truck
• At least another person (or else you're fucking weird!)
• Admission money (7.50, or more if you're chivalrous)
• Chairs, couches, lawn chairs, love sacks, your ass, etc. 
• Blankies (it gets cold at night)
• Battery-powered radios, as big and as many as you can find (you can also use your car, if you bring one)
• An extra car battery in case you drain it listening to the radio
• Quarters for the pimp-ass arcade (complete with nasty-nice photo booth)
• A frisbee, football, baseball, human head, or rock.
• Any food or edible things you want to eat.
• Means of preparing any food you want to eat.
• The blood of your enemies (or whatever you prefer to sip upon)
• Portable handheld gaming systems (cause the movies are rarely good)
• Conversation topics that delight any new aquaintences.

If you decide to go on a weeknight, well, that means you're probably unemployed and should instead be diverting your resources to look for a job. If you go on a weekend, expect it to be PACKED, possibly SOLD OUT. I advise you to get there as soon as you can, which means a half hour or more before the Box Office opens (6:30 pm, if not earlier). If you need to make stops on the way, plan ahead. I love sitting closer to the front because I don't have to then look at the screen being reflected off 900 hoods.

Other things to consider:

• You can talk and scoff and be a dick all you want within your circle of company, but if you start to get really unruly and drunkenly fun (and I mean the same kind of stuff that'd get you maced downtown on a Saturday night), then expect the cops to get involved, as the Drive-In has very little, if any security. They like calling the cops, so don't make them. The cops are like all other humans and are ill-tempered to be working on a Saturday night.
• Not all Drive-Ins function the same way. Some family-ish drive-ins don't allow grilling, booze, and don't show films with a rating higher than PG-13. The Vali-Hi, my favorite place, is the exact opposite of that, but pay attention to these things. It just sucks to expect to down a whole 12-pack of Schell's while watching Wall-E and have the Fun Police show up and wag their finger in your face. Let'sbe honest, I would have been fine at bottle #2, but I digress...
• Getting drunk is an added bonus, but not only should you have a DD, you need to plan your route ahead of time to the bathroom. Walking off into the woods is extremely difficult when you have 900 people watching you, and expect the most challenging labyrinth as you navigate through a lot of cars to and from your chair. You know what it's like when you leave Target and forget where your car is? Try that now drunk, in the dark, and facing a full lot of inhabited vehicles. Also, repect other people. Know that your actions are being watched by six year-olds who might find you more intriguing than Hugh Jackman and Liev Schriber.

If you follows these simple instructions, you too can be as awesome as me or my friend Ganon here is:




If you choose to pick-and-choose my thoughts to whatever your liking, expect this to become of you:

This was the story of three kids watching a crappy movie, when out of nowhere, some random pathetic urine-tank that didn't heed my warnings wound up hindering their initial enjoyment, only to provide some impromtu preferred wonders of his own. Be not this man.

And if you're fortunate enough, you may even see me skulking around the lot around someday soooooon...

We're getting into the worst time of the year for people that actually enjoy the "art of cinema," as a lot of the fun and excitement gets back-burnered for the a steaming pile of of computer-designed FAIL, which ironically funds all those studios to give limited releases to the flicks actually worth seeing. Whatever, you've heard this whiny film-geek talk a few hundred times before. Let's stay positive! Chins up! Good postures! Now crack a grin! Strike a pose!

I'm going to note that I'm stating this as "film you should see" as I think they are that good. Victoria thinks that I should stop using the word "should" when recommending something, as it makes it sound like I'm being a douche/elitist/asshole. When it comes to the movies, I'm all three. You should be so lucky that you have a friend out there that's able to turn you away from penis mold like Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.

Here are the few that you should see:

Moon


A Science Fiction film with a small budget? A debut feature from a television commercial director? A cast of a half-dozen? We have a few red flags here, but make no mistake that this the biggest surprise of the year for me. London filmmaker Duncan Jones, whom has had work primarily with revitalizing the fashion company FCUK's line with a series of big-budget commercials (he claimed later that his whole film cost just over twice what a commercial did), puts together a stunning film about identity, isolation, love, and human nature. Did i mention it takes place on the GODDAMNED MOON? It does. It's awesome, too. Sam Rockwell is fucking fantastic, and director Jones employs his past connections with assorted talent (Clint Mansell does a brilliant score) and puts together a stunning movie. I'd tell you the production budget, but it might ruin it. Keep in mind that another london-made Sci-Fi (SyFy?) film, Sunshine (by recent Oscar-winning director Danny Boyle) came in at around 40 Million. Watch this Jones guy. He looks as if he has some love and enthusiasm for his work that seems to rub off on others, so it's easy to say that he'll be making great pictures in the near future.

Rudo Y Cursi


Pay no attention to the critics on this one. While they're too busy picking apart the obvious and very narrow plot of this sports film (which it actually isn't at all), you're marvelling at the beautiful settings throughout mexico as Writer/Director Carlos Cuaron (Alfonso's brother) throws Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna from the rural roads to the main streets in what looks to be a much more authentic Mexico than you're used to seeing. Bernal and Luna still have that incredible rapport from Y Tu Mama Tambien (which carlos wrote, for those keeping score at home), and this cliched futbol film has some serious heart to it. All you older and younger siblings should check this one out. Single children should stay home.

Coraline


From that guy you can thank for goth/emo kids switching their preferred cult movie from Rocky Horror to Nightmare Before Christmas comes the first movie of his that isn't just tolerable, but one of the best animated films I've seen in years. Based off the Neil Gaiman (amazing guy that writes only amazing stories) book with the same title, Coraline is a story about all those really creepy parts of you house that you don't understand. That old wood-burning stove in the basement? Fucking haunted! The story is actually a bit fractured and touchy at parts, but you're really not paying attention to that kind of stuff when Mr. Bobinsky's mice circus starts performing. The insane level of patience and detail that went into the frame-by-frame animation of this film is staggering. Add in voice work by underdog favorites like John Hodgman, Keith David, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, and Ian Mcshane (who wields infinite reservation for not one "cocksucker" uttered through the whole film!), and you have brewings for something that is both pretty damn awesome as well as teen goth-cult-worthy. That doesn't happen too often. 

There are others (like Star Trek) that are worth your five bucks, but you've prolly already seen them. Stay tuned to your local Drive-In for more loud fuzz.

So this update really won't be all that big or scary, sadly, as i'm a boring motherfucker. Also, I'm too lazy to post pics or link to anything, so hopefully all of my friends are in a readin' mood.

Life's good. My job's stable, the snow has melted, my teeth are getting fixed up, I'm tentatively moving out finally, Victoria's Victoria, and everybody's healthy.

As far as work goes, we've just started up the farmer's market, which is my personal favorite job I've ever had (yes, even better than Oni intern). Our little market tent is positioned right in the middle of a giant windtunnel (the breezes blast off the IDS center, shooting down 8th) so it's never really too hot or two cold. All the professional businessfolk down there are much friendlier and patient than the regular customers, too. We get to see our other vendor-friends (whom some are named based entirely on their profession: Cheese guy, tamale guy, flower lady, New French bread girl, the corn guys, etc.) whom are all pretty friendly folks. It's just a great way to spend eight hours of my day, and I forget that I get paid to do it. It's pretty damn cool.

My california monster story is coming along pretty well, but I have encountered a roadblock with a shitty laptop malfunction (more on that later), so I'm going to let that dictate my current procrastination.

Mother's losing weight, and she's doing it with this new age concept of diet and exercise. I like referring to her as "Mother" cause it's mad creepy.

Dad's continuously putting together the pieces to someday finally launch his home inspection business. No goddamn clue as to how or when he'll actually be in yur base, ispektin yur pipes, as he seems to have to get this certification to then be able to apply for this certification. Bucha red-tape horse hooey.

I'm looking to move out possibly during or after this summer wraps up. My friends' leases are all up either in July or August, so I'll have to make up my mind whom I'm living with where pretty quick here. I have a few leads, so we'll see. For those of you keeping score at home, this'll be the first time I actually move out of my household, not counting that little month I spent in Portland.

I have gotten two of my teeth drilled and filled. I found a cheap discount dental program that I pay a monthly rate for, and then have to be able to pay all my expenses at the time of the procedure, which then makes my bills significantly cheaper. It's pretty awesome. A back molar white filling for under 300? Fucking baller. Two more teeth NEED to be done as soon as possible, and then I need to get my wisdom teeth ripped out. I find dental procedures fascinating now that I can afford them, so if you really want to ever talk to me about my teeth, i'm more than interested.

My laptop is currently down for the count. It keeps freezing in both safe mode and in, uh, normal mode. I'm pretty sure it's a hardware issue, and being both lazy and poor has momentarily bricked the beloved machine. It's very sad. I've kicked around the idea of buying a legit copy of XP and rebooting my old desktop (which went on the fritz right before my money-sucking trip to Angloland a few years ago), but even a new copy of of XP aint all that cheap. Blah, whatever. I should probably be writing, though...

In other bittersweet news, Victoria's gone for 11 days! She headed back England with her friend-roommate, Carly, and they'll be heading back out to the villages to visit Adam, jim, and Nicki, as well as harassing the denizens of London. They're even heading to Barcelona for a couple days! Wow! I'm staying home! Whoo! I don't have the money to head to the oldland currently, and it's either take out some of the fun from my upcoming Portland or Comic-con visits. More on those as I work out the details...

I also bought tickets to the PJ Harvey show here at the zoo, as well as blue-purple sequined chuck taylors and Xbox game points so I can play Streets of Rage 2 and TMNT Arcade (which isn't as fun as I remember it being...) with Martin. I'm currently playing Fallout 3, which is the first game I've played in years that I continue to play to progress the really awesome story. The gameplay? FUCKING BORING. I'm also watching season 3 of Deadwood, which is so alarmingly brilliant. Good god is it brilliant.

So yeah, nothing earth-shattering to report. Just life progressing, really. Always a good thing.

A giant scary update is coming soon, but since I have 900 things to do this morning, it won't really be that soon.

Also, I'd like to point out that the scary update will only be scary cause it'll so goddamn huge that most humans will stop reading after the thirty-fifth paragraph. Shit's currently tipping in my favor, so that's pretty awesome.

And why's this season of LOST so boring? 

Come on, if you haven't been tagged, do it anyway. It's a lot of fun, and a good way to learn more about people.

1. I have absolute terrible vision in my right eye. It's so bad that I use almost as more of a large "corner" of my left eye.

2. My left eyesight seems to be slowly getting worse. I expect glasses in a few years.

3. I think my parents are some of the strangest people I know. It's kind of sad, but I really enjoy living with them.

4. I believe that comic books are the most incredible storytelling medium available. A half dozen people can create a story so vivid and fantastic that it takes millions of dollars, a crew of hundreds, and two to six months to replicate it on film.

5. I still wish to move to Portland later on in my life. The food, drink, transportation, art, and general nature of the city is unparalleled. That said, Minneapolis will always be "home."

6. I regret nothing I've done in my life so far.

7. Up until the beginning of this year, I rarely read any prose. I'm currently combating that with good books, and wondering why the hell I hadn't done this sooner.

8. My big dreams clash with my harsh cynicism with everything I do.

9. I've already met all of my heroes. More than once.

10. I thought Victoria was one of the most annoying people I had ever met four years before we started dating.

11. I think Myspace, Livejournal, Facebook, Twitter, and any social networking widget to emerge out of all of this "Web 2.0" nonsense is so hilariously retarded, though I secretly enjoy seeing what people are doing on a constant basis. That said, I still can't wrap my head around Twitter.

12. I wish that there were people that would go to a dance party and actually danced. I also wish that these people weren't already around and labled as "ravers."

13. I only drink coffee, beer, and water. Pop tastes gross, and anything harder than beer gives me a headache.

14. I believe that I'll never be a talented enough writer to get anything published. This makes me write every day.

15. If I must wear a tie to my job on a daily basis, I'll know I've failed at life. I don't think lesser of people that do, and respect them for being able to do that job.

16. I love arcades, and wish Minneapolis had an actual arcade, not one of these lame-assed wussy "fun zones" like Dave and Busters or Gameworks.

17. The film 12 Monkeys made me love the cinema the first time I saw it. I was 13 then. The second time made me obsessed. I was 16.

18. I've held longer jobs at bakeries than in all of my other jobs combined.

19. I firmly believe that all dentists are crooks, most young people are naive, and the majority of the country is wrong. In other words, I'm 80.

20. I think college is the biggest black hole of time, money, and resources unless you have a valid reason to be there.

 

Last night was my friend Jake's birthday, which consisted of pizza, cake, and Guitar Hero. Victoria and Kristin painstakingly constructed a Guitar Hero cake that tasted even better than it looked. I guess you don't know how it looks. What if it looked completely terrible and tasted a bit better than that? What if it looked terrible and tasted amazing? Not the best way of phrasing that...

Either way, the cake tasted fantastic. We ordered Papa Murphy's ("we" being them, I really didn't do anything other than run my mouth most of the night, which was some hopeful entertainment of some sort) which I've never had before. It was surprisingly good. Probably the best "chain" pizza I've ever had. Since I wear a monocle and sip tea with my pinky pointing towards my infinte fortunes, however, I'm far above any "chain" pizza. I also discovered that all of my favorite songs are really boring to sing on those Guitar Hero/Rock Band games, whereas stuff like System of a Down and Korn were actually a lot more fun. Foo Fighters ruled, too. Weird how that works.

Victoria's home again! What? You didn't know she left? Of course you didn't! That's my fault. I was too busy reporting about movies, conventions, and my teeth to mention that she was out of town for a harrowing five days. Since I ignored her the weekend before, it was a whopping SEVEN days! That's a forth of a Portland trip! Try and even imagine that! I can. It's quite easy, actually. To imagine it, that is.

I booked an appointment at the neighborhood dentist for Tuesday morning before work. Just a free consultation. They'll probably swindle me into taking some more bitemark X-rays, so we'll see. I went to these guys last Spring initially, then to a second dentist for a second opinion, only to realize and understand how awesome and friendly the first people were. Also, there may be a possiblity of pulling the damn tooth, which would be a lot cheaper and less of a hassle than a full-blown root canal. They have a new personal payment plan that's quite to my liking, though I'm not all that sure how well it will work. Honestly, once I can put my teeth issues behind me, I might actually regain some of that long-forgotton self-confidence. Pardon the drama, but it's entirely true. There has to be something psychologically wrong with me, but that sounds expensive to research, so we'll just let that whole thing fester instead.

No clue as to what tonight entails, but it should be fun. Tomorrow is the Super Bore, followed by a developing-as-we-go Xbox LAN party at Pat's. Both should be fun. Xboxes are much, much easier to set up and network than a half-dozen computers, trust me.

But yeah, looks to be a good weekend.

I've decided, as I'm currently playing Half-Life 2 on my nice shiny Xbox and reading Kavalier and Clay on the bus ride to my four hour shift that I've dedicated the remainder of this year to tie up any loose ends in my life, spawning 2010 as the year of the VICTORY SUPLEX! 

Doing so, I need to get all of my dental stuff straightened out, as well as probably a trip to the eye doctor. Last October, while I was in Portland, I would be lifting boxes and going back and forth on some packages, but when I sat back down to read the information, it took me a bit of time to squint, adjust the position of my head, stuff like that. Now, I am full of wrinkles and smell like stale candy, but I don't feel that old! Either way, taking care of matters now before they get worse usually helps in a situation of awesomeness. I was considering making an acheivements list of everything I'd like to complete this year. Seeing as how I bust my ass to get ten xbox achievement points when I could be doing something else, maybe I'll be more adament about getting this stuff done if I develop a point structure. Yes, I'm fourteen.

Here's the problem (in a whiny voice): I wanna go to Wondercon! It's easily the most fun show of the year, and going somplace a bit warmer like San Francisco sounds so very appealing to me. It wouldn't cost too much by any means (maybe 500 including airfare at most) but that's money that could go toward dental work, you know? I haven't made up my mind yet on if I can make the trek or not, but seeing as how I'd be helping Oni down there, I may have to tell them sooner instead of later, yeah? I honestly don't think I can go, as I owe enough money that I should be paying off before blowing it on airfare to a show that holds no personal gain for me...

Last night was fun. I took turns between writing and Half-Life 2. Every time I got stuck or bored on one, I turned to the other. It's actually a pretty effective way of getting stuff done. A crowbar here will soon fix that grammatical error there, stuff like that.

Last year at New York Comic-Con, I was running around trying to find the line for the venture bros. panel, and then I find this:



That's the "line." Look how Superman just stands there and does nothing to help! Typical. I go down there and start butting my way through, trying to figure out where the line starts or ends, and when I ask a guy with a small ponytail tied via rubberband through the back end of his ICP hat...

Him: I don't know man, I'm in line for zombies

Me: Zombies? What kind of zombies?

Him: I don't know man, fucken zombies

Me: Well, like, is it that new Romero thing? 

Him: Dude, do you really need a reason for zombies?

Me: Well, I guess not...

Here's the problem. Zombies are fucking BORING. They're decaying, sauntering, moaning piles of FAIL. They're not interesting in the slightest, and the majority of zombie fiction right now is total shit. Multiply that by a hundred and you have my thoughts on vampires. Frankensteins, on the other hand, fucking rule.

Why can't people just relax a bit before beating every interesting point out of a dying genre? Romero himself can't even make good zombie movies because of it. You know the situation is dire when the best Zombie movie in the past decade (if not longer) was Shaun of the Dead, which, to it's credit, was a fantastic film.

That said, can I recommend a book to you all? Of course I can! 



Mike got me this (as well as Zombie Survival Guide) for Christmas. I need to admit that I don't really care for zombies. I think that they're as overplayed as vampires for a storytelling device, and too many people rely on the gross-out factors when making a zombie story. The Romero movies (which ironically enough are what made zombies so damn popular) showcase how normal civilians would react under a full-on zombie apocalypse. If you don't have the surrounding aid of a military, police force, hospitals, electricity, etc, how do you manage? Now think globally. What happens in Russia? Icelend? Densely populated cities like Tokyo, Manhattan, or Hong Kong? Writing collections of extremely short stories in a first-person account, Max Brooks "interviews" the survivors of the zombie apocalypse, making a tired genre fascinating again. Ten bucks says the movie will be awesome, too.

I assure you that this is good reading, unless you want to just reread Twilight over again. I guess you can do that, too.

Me: What are you reading? 

Victoria: I don't know man, fucken vampires...

Last night, I finally had a chance to catch up on Lost (I'm one whole episode off). I'm really glad Damon and Carlton got my letter expressing my interest for them to take the show in an entirely awesomer direction than it has ever been. Holy cow. Even with their subject matter currently, I'm not worried in the slightest, though it'll be a goddamn miracle if they can keep the rest of the world interested.

Okay, so maybe I failed miserably at my previous plan...but here it is! Eh?! Look! Wow!

For the record, I don't really think 2008's year for film was a really sloppy one like other people I've talked to. I think if you're looking for those unanimously lauded films, yeah, there are a bit few. What I saw, though, were a few of the best films I've seen in years. I cried at half the ones on my list, too! If you can name I'll five, I'll reward you by mailing you a half-empty jar of my tears. Congratulations.

From the top...er...bottom:

10.

Not only was it a lot of fun to watch from start to finish, and not only did Downey, Paltrow, and The Dude take turns stealing each other's scenes, and not only did it make the whole world know and love a very difficult-to-like protagonist like Tony Stark, and not only did the Iron Man armor look both spot-on and fantastic in action, and not only did this one film signal a whole resurrection for Marvel and their film franchise with Paramount, but the whole goddamn thing made me feel like I was ten all over again. Jon Favreau worked with top talent, listened to what the fans wanted (he seriously did this, asking nerds on his Myspace for their thoughts and ideas while the film was in pre-production), and put together the best action movie that keeps the parents interested and kids glued to the screen. This movie makes the cut for heralding many impossibilities in one project. Better yet, it's a well-done comic book movie. These are rare.

9.

When The Machinist was released in theaters a few years ago, most of the acclaim was centered around Christian Bale's crazy-assed weight-loss for his role as Trent Reznick and not enough for the tension that Anderson seemed to pile on exponentially with each scene. Not the case here, as Anderson slows it down a smidge and builds it up more gradually, giving those real tense scenes that much more of a "Wham!" feeling. Between that, the couple of red herrings planted throughout, and the fact that Russia is just an overall creepy backdrop for any type of thriller, Transsiberian gets the highest honor of it's genre, the prefix label known as "Hitchcockian," which, to be honest, is higher acclaim than ten Oscars.

8.

I haven't been so drawn to a grown-up dysfunctional family like this since The Bluths from Arrested Development. What makes this even more fascinating is that these people are fucking real! You have Dorian "Doc" Paskowitz, who walks away from a lifetime opportunity of being a part of our country's post-war reconstruction administration...wait for it...to instead take his wife and nine children in a Winnebago across the country...wait for it...to surf. That's it. They travel the coutnry with scant amount of anything, and surf the coastline. What first seems like a first-hand account for the free-living gypsy life we've all at one point considered quickly escalates into the reality that eleven people in that small of a vehicle are all going to hate each other sooner than later. Factor in facts like the oldest children are teenagers the same time the youngest are just learning their numbers, there really isn't the most revenue being generated for this family, and that Doc and wife Juliette did the nasty almost every night in front of their children, and you have this both fascinating and intriguing look into one of the strangest families on film. It's equal parts sentimental, obtuse, admirable, and disturbing.

7.

The winner here really is John Malkovich playing that unrestrained psychopath that I'd not be upset if he ever became typecasted for. Seriously, when the dude is walking along the docks with the small hatchet in his left hand, it's usually either pretty foreboding or goddamn hilarious. Or both, since we're talking about Joel and Ethan.

6.

After the Portland trip, I flew down to San Francisco to check out the Dia De Los Muertos as well as see my good pal Phil. At one point, while waiting for his girlfriend Liana at the BART station, we saw a huge group of protesters encouraging voters to vote "no" on Proposition 8. Now, seeing as how I myself am surrounded by rational-minded people almost all the time, this was like telling people to abolish slavery. In an ethical sense, who wouldn't, right? Who, at any location in this country, would deny rights to other Americans based on their sexual orientation?

That's pretty much all I could think about while watching Gus Van Sant's first good film he's ever made. It doesn't feel tedious like other works of Van Sant and it isn't that boring-as-fuck celebratory look into this man's life like most other biopics, but instead focuses on his almost impossible uphill grassroots battle for even the slightest equal rights imaginable. As he keeps losing elections, his supporters grow while his close friends and loved ones start waining, numb from the late nights, cold dinners, and Harvey's continued ignorance towards them and their personal needs. Penn deserves the best actor Oscar. Also, James Franco, Emile Hirsch, and Alison Pill are criminally underrated in this. See it to remind yourself that even if we have made progress in the past thirty to forty years, we still have some pretty huge mountains to get over. Huge, uh, homophobic mountains.

5.

There were like nine hundred women that told me they liked this film because of how adorable they found it to be. If post-apocalyptic stories involving planetary janitorial robots and an overweight slothlike human race is your definition of "cute," then you missed the boat on this one. Pixar crafts what could have easily been mistaken for an overambitious NYU thesis project as a lone clean-up droid spends centuries assembling monoliths out of the discarded junk humans have left on earth. What the fuck, why am I telling you this? You all saw it, and if you didn't, you better. Not only is it another example of why the people at Pixar could currently be the best storytellers in the world, but it reminds you that maybe you shouldn't sit on your ass inside all day watching their movies while destroying the earth every waking moment you continue to consume moreand more. But yeah, that little robot was awful cute.

4.

Two minutes in, you'll figure out you've wandered into the wrong theater, as no awesome badass cop-killer such as yourself would ever, under any circumstances want to watch Jonathan Demme get a theatrical release for some bullshit Lifetime film. Fifteen minutes in, you'll be surprised to see how every "actor" is either doing really amazing performances, or we're currently watching some private home movie. Twenty-eight minutes in, and you'll be hooked. Whether we're talking about Hathaway's cynical twelve-stpper that plays the victim of the family she "ruined" (Hathaway deservedly so got a nomination for her role), Rosemarie Dewitt as her both warm and rigid sister, or Debra Winger as the mother who detached herself from the family when it all became unbearable, you have characters that feel contradicting, unpredictable, and quite a bit unlikable. This is what we refer to as humans.

3.

When a pediatrician's wife was thought to be murdered years ago, police soon discover two more bodies near the crime scene, making him a suspect of the entire escapade. Soon he's running from everybody imaginable in search for the truth, which could be so much more bright and beautiful than even his proven innocence. The second this movie starts, every scene, every subplot, and every line of dialogue become important to explain the bigger picture, which contains a few of those long-forgotten Mamet-esque twists. To me, that shit you see on Hallmark channel or in a Nicholas Sparks novel isn't half as bold as turning over the earth and pointing your gun to some heads to find out what happened to the man or woman you love. You do whatever is in your power to know the truth, be it so very rewarding or entirely harrowing. Motherfuck that's romatic.

2.

What happens when you are told that you are no longer able to do the only thing you're humanly capable of doing? What happens when your broke down shell of a body finally decides that the years of punishment are finally enough, and that it may do you psychologically good to actually attempt to have a real life for a change? This question has been asked before, pretty much in any sports movie ever made. What makes this film better is that it effectively explores one man's options when his life comes to these crossroads. Aronofsky has now made four contrasting films that all have the same underlining themes of obsession and addiction, and somehow I'm totally okay with that. I don't know what people are talking about with this "return" of Mickey Rourke, as he was the only thing decent in Domino and did a pretty fantastic Marv in Sin City, but if his agent wants to coin that phrase, whatever. I will say that he deserves his oscar, though. Then again, so does Aronofsky. Maybe then he'd quit having such difficulty finding distributors for his brilliant work.

1.


Yeah, the bat-pod had a drunk me yelling "HOLY SHIT!" at the Imax, and the bait-and-switch Dent, Gordon, and Batman pull on the Joker sparked three million cries of bat-nerdgasms, and the minimal computer effects made the realism and scope of the film set a new benchmark for summer blockbusters, but the part that I just can't begin to comprehend is how Nolan convinced WB to let him cast Aaron Eckhart and Heath Ledger for franchise roles like Dent and some other bad guy. Nolan made a film that has the concept of batman and the essential definition of the Joker as his antagonist, but after handpicking his favorite stories and moments from seventy years of bat-stories, he crafts exactly what James Gordon hinted at the end of Batman Begins (which, let's be honest, was mere foreplay for this film); an agonizing psychological game of chicken between all of the "leaders" of Gotham, be they vigilantes, thugs, cops, civilians, crimelords, or "agents of chaos." They all have their motives, methods, and rules for fighting, and when the casualties start to accumulate, each man is pushed to their limit, causing an intense metamorphoses for everybody involverd, including death for some. Nobody wins, though lives are spared, and in the end, not even Batman knows if anybody is safer. He sure certainly isn't.

Four runners-up in complete single sentences

Speed Racer was the most fun I had watching a movie, even if my eyes melted out of my skull.

Slumdog Millionaire deserves all of its praise, and even the best picture award it will hopefully win.

Man on Wire was surprisingly as good as everybody said it was.

Pineapple Express delivered, but it was James Franco and Danny McBride that made it so fantastic.


How does next year look? Eh. Nothing too overly amazing is really jumping at the moment, though I would have expecting the bat-movie to be my number one a year ago, either. Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to compiling these worthless lists. It reminds me to actually get out and actually attempt to unearth those little hidden gems that play at Oak Street that weekend. I'm currently kicking myself right now for finding out about The Visitor just last week!

Agree? Disagree? Love? Hate? 

I'm so very fucking close with finally having a presentable first draft of my pulsar astronomy short film script wrapped up, and I think I'm going to tone down the ambition a bit for my next project. Goddamn. What I have I'm actually quite pleased with, and it's going to be turned into a Spring Final short film shot on either 16mm or 35mm for a friend of a friend, Matt Joyer.

If you recall my post about my buddy Pat getting all of those awesome opportunities to work on the Coens' set, he was working right alongside his classmate Matt, whom I first met last year when I helped them film their pretty cool short called "Recipe for a Prince." I cameo for a millisecond as a "bully" in it. That was a fun day. Matt's a nice guy, and one of the reason's I'm so down for this is because he's hardworking, reliable, and has a clear vision for what he's doing. In other words, he's got a probable chance to "make it" in the film industry.




So now Matt's trying to finish his Film 5 class and Pat, his director of photography and my dear ol' associate, told me to come up with some ideas. I did and have loved to hate working on it on and off since I got back from Portland. I've spent most of my day off doing it today, and if I have a printable copy of something worth handing him by the end of the day, I'll feel good about time spent today.

Saw The Wrestler last night. Saw Surfwise today. Loved both. I have like maybe a half dozen more to try and cram before I make my list.

It's extremely cold here today. Like -40 wind chill cold. To get an idea about how cold that is, well, it's 80 degrees colder than 40 degrees fahrenheit. It's so cold it's painful. So a good day for hibernation! No need in bitching about it every countless second, especially if you're like me and have no need to leave the house for any reason. Howza! 

Last night Victoria and I snagged some screening passes to go see The United States of Tara, a new Showtime show written and produced by Diablo Cody and...uh...executively produced by Steven Spielberg. The show, starring Toni Collette, is pretty much about a married mother of two that has these three extra personalities, and how these colorful individuals interrupt her motherly roles from time to time. The whole thing seemed kind of fun, but a bit backwards for a station like Showtime, a channel that showcases bit more intelligent programming (or at least intelligent enough to pay for it twice on cable). But yeah, with the simple "multiple personalities" slug, this show seems like something that could easily have been on Fox or even ABC. Also, between this, that new Whedon Dollhouse show, and that failed Christian Slater mess on NBC, what's with the 2008-2009 TV season being so focused on split, multiple, and various personalities? Anyways, the show was a good time, complete with almost an all-Eels soundtrack and cameos by both Arrested Development alumni as well as Patton Oswalt. And it was pretty funny. Maybe check it out? Or as Victoria said: "I'll DVR it..."

Tonight I'm seeing The Wrestler, the Mickey Rourke comeback that everybody has exploded to me about. I'm kind of wondering where everybody was when he was in Sin City. Didn't that count? Was he not good in that? I'm not exactly too excited to see this movie, but it'll still be awesome, I suppose. I think I'm just jaded from analyzing and discussing The Fountain for the past few years, and for Aronofsky to do something a lot less epic...well, I'll shut up until I see it myself. There are a few more films I'm trying to catch before the end of the week here, and thankfully, The Riverview is rescreening Let the Right One In this weekend. Yeah! I've yet to see that.

I'm in a general funk this morning over a few things. This cockslapping frigid weather doesn't help. Coffee and movie blogging do help, though.

Good afternoon all! How was everybody's Christmas? Mine was amazing.

First off, lemme show you all my sweet merch I got:

-The collected ZOT! by Scott Mccloud
-Making Comics by Scott Mccloud
-A Hundred bucks to go to my Amazon Wish List (which will buy me astonishing X Men volume 2 hardcover, Bottomless Belly Button, The Orange Box, and a few other things...)
-A 4GB iPod Nano (which is sweet as I don't need anything too big to walk around with)
-Puzzle Fighter HD and Bomberman Live + a month on Xbox Live

And Victoria bought me an Xbox 360 Pro, which comes with a three month XBLA subscription and two free games. Hot shit! The thing can stream netflix as well for when I get my netflix subscription. None of that matters when you compare that to how she gave it to me in a series of three boxes.

I unwrap my first present: which is an Xbox 360. I open the box to discover a pair of pajama pants and some canned food (as she was attempting to fool me with the weight, Raiders of the Lost Arc style), so then she tells me that I have one more present, and runs down to get a wrapped box about the same size and weight. I open it, and it's an Xbox 360! Fuck yeah! I open the box and inside is a ten pound bag of Basmati Rice and a bunch curry pastes. She wants to make a curry with me sometime over her break, another fantastic present! Then she gives me a third box about the same size and weight, and I open it up to reveal my actual brand new xbox 360. Sadly, this was just an actual boring ol' Xbox 360 inside, and she probably would have done more if she had more roommates that kept their old 360 boxes. Either way, she earns insane creativity points for still being able to surprise me while buying me one of the most popular gifts one can get this year.

Also, for anybody that cares, Victoria just found this morning, a day after Christmas, that she passed her forth and final CPA exam! To become a Certified Public Accountant, you much first for through this academic gauntlet of four really intense exams. How intense is this? She pretty much studied like two hours every night for more than six or seven months this year. She's missed really cool events to study for it, and she's earning this victory. If you see her, congratulate her. She deserves a Zhang Yimou-like victory ceremony, but I don't have the disposable income of China. Either way, whoo! 

My birthday is in a few days, Sunday actually. Plans are tomorrow night to get drunk and play skeeball at Dave and Busters. Brunch the morning after. Movie after that.

I'm really sorry that I haven't posted. I have been so goddamn busy with everything around here, and that includes reading all of your entries. You people are pretty awesome.

Have a good holiday, and hopefully you get a small break I do!

You know, and this has probably been addressed at some point at some blog elsewhere long before I even came to this conclusion, but this news kind of magically explains everything that's wrong with our country (economy, war, mufuggin' society as a whole) in one simple instant.

From a socially scientific point-of-view, it's pretty fascinating. From a human point-of-view, goddamn is it disgusting.

Merry Christmas.

Kind of a busy-assed day for me and all this junk I have to haul to the airport, but I just wanted to take a second to wish my inferior good friend, Richard (adgy ), a very wonderful birthday.

And if you want to get him something but totally forgot like I did, perhaps just go out and vote for the obviously correct candidate. I think he'd like that more than his 923864th DVD.

As for me? I'm finally coming home today. I was THIS close to affording the whole trip, only asking for a few bucks near the end here after the moneysuck known as San Fran became too crazy.

It'll be good to be home. It'll also be a slow two weeks while I ttry to not spend a single dime. We'll see how that goes.

This is my ongoing, uh, "photoblog" for the little snappys I take while I'm out in Portland for the month.

Hope everybody is doing well! As of now, I only really miss...three of you. Maybe less...

Today is clean-up day! I 'm going to do a little grocery shopping, possibly get dome indian, and then the local independent record store, Music Millenium, is hosting a Dandy Warhols pre-show party. The place is like two blocks from my house, so why not?



 

Dear all,

I'm deeply sorry for not updating sooner and/or more frequently. Everything is better than alright, and I miss none of you! 

Except Victoria...

...and the rest of you...

...but not Chrstina. Christina who? 

Daaaaaaaang! 

Be well.

-Captain N

Synecdoche, New York  - or as I'd rather call it, A new movie written and directed by Charlie Kaufman.

Watch it here

The trailer had me floored. I just assumed that The Wrestler would be my favorite film of this year...but maybe not. If Aronofsky is the best film director of our time, Kaufman is the best screenwriter of the decade. Between those two, Alan Ball's new movie, Fernando Meirelles' new apocalyptic dealie, the fact that I can still go see The Dark Knight whenever I want, an adaptation of The Time Traveler's Wife, and maybe a few other surprises here and there, maybe this season won't be a total crap pile! Yeah! I think Simon Pegg's in something ,too! 

In other me news, Portland is a week away, and I started watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which is a fucken funny, funny show.

I got my place to stay, airfare booked, and shit pretty much ready to go. Now I pretty much wait and try not to spend my portland budget money on wasteful things like fast food...

....

...off to Taco Johns! 

Made by three guys in the span of eight months, apparently bigger than Portal, though free of Glados.

If this is good, I will donate them money. This is beyond impressive.

Morning! How are we all on this fine early Sunday afternoon? I've got good news and bad news.

Bad news

I've somehow become allergic to whatever the fuck is in the air. My throats all sore and slightly swollen, and my nose is pouring fluids. I sneeze every other second (which presents a challenge when you make sandwiches for customers that are watching you), and I'm not sure how or what will help. Victoria recommends some antihistamines, so I think that will be the logical first step. Last night was the worst, and I wasn't really in the mood to leave the house (Victoria's house...) since I probably wouldn't be able to taste any beers and didn't want snot flying at people on the dance floor. Even scenesters shouldn't be inconvenienced with my fluids. Vic and I ended up flipping through her 894361 HBO channels, watching Hot Fuzz, Chacolat, a bit of Bad Boys, and a few minutes of other things.

Good News! 

I've found a place to live in Portland! It's in the Laurelhurst neighborhood with a family in a three-floor home! I get a furnished attic room with my own private bathroom. From what I've researched, Laurelhurst is an older neighborhood with tree-lined streets and old homes. It also has a brilliant cheap seats theater and expansive park a few blocks from where I'm at. What's better, is that I have saved enough money to where I'll probably not have to work a second job while I'm there. This will give me more time for writing and Portland exploration. Better yet, I'll probably be able to also afford a trip to San Francisco at the end on my month stay, just in the time for their from-what-I-hear fantastic Dia De Los Muertos festival. I'll also hopefully have a chance to go the Ghiradelli Square with Carrie, Stephanie, and their crew, as well as aid Oni one last time this year with book pushing at APE.

Those are the big points right now. I'm not sure what else is going on. The weather's cooling off, Autumn's starting to creep in, and that much needed seasonal change is upon us. I'm pretty amped for this Fall, which I don't know has ever happened.